Well, I mean, what do they actually need?

This week I am holding a Welcome to e50K session with 10 new employees (both paid and volunteers) – this day covers our ethos, Vision and Values and where we came from, and the informal version of the script goes something like this......

Back in 2020 I was sat staring into the face of a friend via a computer screen (thanks again Covid) pondering that very question. As the spouse of a service person what is it that I, that we, actually need? And likewise, what do we want?

Of course, I had considered many times what I personally needed but I had never stopped to think about what we, as a collective of Spouses, Partners and Significant Others (SPSOs) really needed and so when Dr Elizabeth Newman-Earl posed the question I went uncharacteristically silent......

The silence stretched on in front of us as I took a moment to track the course of the last 10 years, to consider the exquisite triumphs and gut-wrenching disappointments – many of which Elizabeth and I had shared already through my being a subject in her PHD study on ‘Women behind the Wire’.

The question itself, “well, I mean, what do they actually need?” was posed to Elizabeth during a consultation she provided to Amey Defence Services. Ultimately it was asked to understand how Amey can better help the communities they support and after several hours and most of a bottle of red wine later the answer was, ‘well that depends, on who you are and where you currently live’. One size doesn’t fit all. Or does it? There was only one way to find out – ‘research’ said Elizabeth in a gleeful tone!

That is what the research told us, it told us that one size doesn’t fit all and whatever it is that we do need it is not currently being fulfilled.

But of course, if one size doesn’t fit all then how does the question posed really get answered?

Talking to SPSOs around the country it became clear that despite the differences in each person’s story, and some of those differences were huge, the themes were the same.

A disconnect was often mentioned. That there is no real way to make thoughts known to those who make the decisions which most affect our lives and we are rarely asked our opinion that isn’t in a survey where the results seem to go nowhere. Really, people want a seat at the table – and who can blame them?

A general resentment was felt to – not towards serving partners but to the institution itself for all the courses given up, careers put on hold or worse, never started. Education and employment barriers were consistently mentioned such as Stacey* who told us, ‘I don’t feel I can have a career – just a series of little jobs. You always have to be second’.

Many people said they volunteer with community groups and projects to provide structure to their time and purpose to their day but even this was bittersweet with many agreeing with Jane* that, ‘you enjoy it for a time but when you have to move you leave it and have to start all over again – and there is no one to look after it when you go’

These themes, which came from real world research, were our reason for e50K and so these themes have become the governing pillars upon which every decision is made.

Perhaps you recognize one or more in your own story? If you do, get in touch – we would love to hear from you!